Sarcastic Movie Reviews

The movie is about a troubled genius who has a photographic memory an works as a janitor in M.I.T.

Right away you can see my dilemma. The main problem here is that all troubled geniuses (as we all know) live in the back woods somewhere building explosive devices out of pine cones and squirrel droppings and they MAIL them to M.I.T.

Get it right guys!!!

At any rate he goes about solving complex mathematical problems left on blackboards which really pisses off the teachers there because he’s using the wrong colour of chalk. When they discover him he’s in jail for beating up some guy who wronged him way back in his kindergarten years.

The moral?

Never bitch slap some guy with a photographic memory.

He also assaulted a cop.

For a genius he’s a bit of a moron eh?

They bail him out on the condition that he continue working on math problems (personally I’d rather be the towel boy at Kingston Penitentiary) and if he sees a therapist for his anger. After he alienates the entire Psychiatric world he’s sent to see Robin William who’s teaching in some non descript building somewhere in the sticks (let’s call it my apartment). They feel that because they’re both rebel geniuses who grew up in the same neighborhood that there is some unspoken bond between them.

TWO rebel geniuses in the SAME neighborhood? What the hell is in the water?!!

After the Matt sees a painting by Robin Williams he instantly figures out what makes him tick and the sparks fly.

It’s a good thing that Robin wasn’t into building large balls of twine or the movie could have ground to a halt here.

Matt also charms a beautiful med student whom he wins over with his brain (’cause that’s what all the women in the theatre like best about Matt Damon…. his incredibly built BRAIN), but he has a tough time admitting that he loves her because he was an abused orphan (his dad used to beat him with the Encyclopedia Britannica).

He also hangs out in sleazy bars with sophomoric friends that have a very unique of treating the leather in a baseball glove (think Boogie Nights).

Uh… that’s it. Will he get the girl? Will he realize his potential? Will he bond with Robin Williams? Will he ever get that nasty stain out of his catcher’s mitt?

It’s Hollywood kids…. there aren’t any German guys in black turtlenecks here…. my money is on a happy ending.

All in all it’s a good flick though.

Shooting Fish is a movie from the came blokes that brought you “The Full Monty” so it stars absolutely no one that you know.

Dan Futterman is the dyslexic American ex-patriot named Dylan who like his partner Stuart Townsend (Jez) are orphans. Dylan is a good looking smooth talking con-man who has fled the ‘Big Stink’ for the land that oral hygiene forgot to escape the wrath of guys with hair on their shoulders. He teams up with Jez an incredibly talented inventor but who has no verbal skills and they decide to fleece rich people.

We meet these mavericks at first using an elaborate set up to con stupid executives into believing that they have invented a keyboard-less computer that recognizes voice commands. The computer is in fact wired down to Jez and our love interest in this story…. typist/medical student Georgie (Kate Beckinsdale) whereupon they score big cash and run away.

The movie is highly entertaining in the way that they sucker people who have more money than brains, but because we need to like them they never con those that can’t afford it.

Also be warned that you should never rip these guys off as Dylan could talk the Pope out of Catholicism and Jez could wire him to dispense After 8 mints out of his butt.

There is a hokey side story about Georgie getting married to some sleaze bag in order to save her father’s estate and thus keep the home for kids with Down’s Syndrome open, but who %$#@ cares?

The fun is in the schemes and the narrow escapes from those that they’ve stolen from.

Yes it gets a little bit saccharin after a while but it’s loads of fun.