Smokin’ Aces… a review
Jeremy Piven plays a coked out, hooker obsessed Vegas magician who can throw playing cards like a ninja and has pissed the mob off to the point that there’s a million dollar bounty on his head and they want his heart cut out of his chest.
Whoa.
This isn’t “Dreamgirls” is it?
Smokin’ Aces is like a Quentin Tarantino production of “It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World” if it was directed by Jerry Springer.
Did you have a nice salad at a PETA approved restaurant before sitting through “Volver” last week?
It’s payback time boys!! Trust me, you will not see too many classmates from your Women’s Studies group going to this.
This movie is like how men like to make love.
Plot? What’s that? Is that like foreplay? Bah… get on with the killing.
I think they spend 3 minutes setting up the story and the next 30 minutes are spent introducing the hitmen.
You know how this works: You get a close up of some snake skin boots while empty bullet casings tumble to the floor in slow motion as the hitman’s name is typed across the screen accompanied by the latest single from “White Zombie”.
There’s always some guy with a name like “Jimmy the Fish Hook” who rips the eyeball out of his victim and does something clever like leave it on an eye chart in a doctor’s office.
It’s kind of like “DeathRace 2000” except that there isn’t a race and it’s not the year 2000.
So basically what we have here is “Death”.
Yup, ok… that works for me.
Jeremy doesn’t even really try to hide from anyone. I mean, why bother slowing down the body count with pointless searches for him? In fact, they should have just said “Screw it” and had him hide out in a “Target” department store next to the hunting equipment.
In reality Jeremy’s character has rented out the top floor in a hotel in Lake Tahoe.
Why is a guy hiding from the mob in a flashy penthouse suite? Well, so that large groups of heavily armed psychopaths can have gun fights in a series of elevators of course.
Logic has the same likelihood of showing up in this movie as Paris Hilton does showing up at Church.
This film is about professional hit men who carry chain saws, dress like Nazis and light road flares tussling with a lesbian who fires a cannon out of a neighboring hotel.
Somalia should be this much fun.
Listen, the story is stupid, but it’s goofy fun.
I give it 3 out of 5 beer cans.
