You know, just last week as I was having another blood clot removed from my leg, I mentioned to the surgeon that movies today were just not long enough.

“I sure hope that the new Spiderman film runs longer than an Amish barn raising.” I said.

In case you missed the first two movies, the opening credits give you a scene by scene breakdown of the first two plots because it’s crucial to know that Spiderman killed a multi armed guy wearing welder’s goggles last year or you’ll be hopelessly lost while watching this.

Like all summer blockbuster movies, Spiderman has about 15 plot lines weaving through the story, 3 arch villains to defeat, and 27 office buildings to destroy.

Amazingly, no one ever gets killed by a wayward brick plummeting to the sidewalk, but then again, no one ever sees Peter Parker relaxing in a huge Spider Web hammock with his girlfriend either.

Ok, I’m just going with it. Screw logic.

Unlike the previous films, Spiderman now has to face three villains instead of one.

Let’s break it down:

First there’s the Green Goblin (even though it’s technically the Green Goblin’s son).

Not much has changed here. Spiderman is once again falling from the sky while some guy flies around him tossing winged balls at his head.

Does this sound like Harry Potter to you?

Next up is The Sandman. As you probably guessed from his name, he’s made out of sand. How does a guy made out of sand control the wind? Hey waitaminute… is he crying? I thought that he was made out of sand!

All together now… “Ok, I’m just going with it. Screw logic”

Lastly there’s the character named “Venom” played by Topher Grace.

Venom has the strength and web spinning abilities of Tobey Maguire but the teeth of Kirsten Dunst.

Now normally I’d say that watching a throw down between Topher Grace and Tobey Maguire would be as exciting as watching a tickle fight between Richard Simmons and Andy Dick, but with a billion dollar special effects budget it almost looks manly.

In between the carnage the movie also attempts to show Spiderman’s inner struggles with revenge and jealousy, but don’t expect this to be like “Batman” in the darkness department.

Maybe it’s because his outfit looks like a Pepsi can with a bug on it.

As usual Stan Lee makes another lame cameo. I can’t stand to see any more freaking cameos of Stan Lee in movies by hip comic book reading directors. It’s getting to the point where I can’t download a porno without Stan Lee fluffing someone in the background.

If he’s not getting crushed by falling masonry from a skyscraper then get him the hell off the screen. I’d rather look at  Kirsten Dunst’s snaggle toothed grin then see Stan Lee bumbling lines like it was an outtake from “On Golden Pond”.

If he’s such a freaking genius then explain to me how a guy made out of SAND is crying?!!

Ok, ok… I’m letting it go.

All in all, it’s your typical Summer Hollywood Blockbuster.

A good time, but 30 minutes longer than necessary.

3 out of 5.