The big news about Evan Almighty is that it’s he most expensive comedy ever filmed.

That’s about as comforting to hear as finding out that the spear gun from “WaterWorld” is for sale on Ebay.

Steve Carrel plays the usual neglectful father who breaks every promise he makes to spend time with his kids because he always has to work. When he’s not ignoring his kids, he’s ignoring his wife and when he’s not ignoring her he hates dogs.

Wow, I can’t imagine where THIS movie is going.

The charming thing about movies where God comes to earth and asks some loser to deliver his message is that you know that no one else can see him.

When George Burns shuffled into a grocery store in the movie “Oh God!” it was funny because God looked like a midget with a cigar and he was asking a bag boy to tell the world that God existed.

In short it was an impossible task given to a guy that no one cared about.

See where the comedy comes in?

Heck even a whispering voice in a cornfield, works because only the hero can hear the voice.

This is what I call the “People think I’m crazy, but I know the truth” movie.

It also works as a drama (see “Conspiracy Theory.”)

When you use this formula it’s very important to play up the “crazy” aspect, otherwise it kind of loses the impact.

For instance:

Evan is a rich and famous Congressman who has the ear of the people. When God asks him to build him an Ark, he not only delivers the wood to his house, but he brings in trained monkeys and giraffes to help with the heavy lifting.

Ya…. Uh… do you see the problem here?

Guy says God has spoken to him, and his hair has turned white, grown 18 inches (with matching beard) over the course of a few days and he has a pair of polar bears wandering around his front yard sharing a snack with two rhinos.

Personally, I’m strapping on my tool belt if this shit goes down in my neighbourhood.

Wouldn’t this movie have been a lot more fun if Evan had to build an Ark out of wooden park benches and telephone poles?

When God speaks to a guy in a movie I expect there be a slight challenge in the task that our Lord puts before him.

I’m not expecting unionized baboons.

So without wasting much time on the monumental task of gathering labour or material the movie chugs along with usual assortment of scenes depicting defecating wildlife, groin injuries and a montage of workplace related accidents involving lumber falling on Evan’s toes.

As long as we’re sticking with the religious theme, I’m going to count my blessings in one area. This movie COULD have saddled us with talking animals but there wasn’t a single street smart raccoon with an African American accent to be seen anywhere.

John Goodman plays a one dimensional evil Congressman who wants to clear cut national parks so that he can make a profit and somehow he’s built the Hoover dam just outside of Washington DC.

Who cares if there isn’t really a hydro electric dam anywhere near the Whitehouse? As long as you’re going to write a half assed movie you might as well go for broke. Next time have a desert sandstorm in New Jersey. Hell have a street fight in the Bronx with mountains in the background (obscure Jackie Chan reference #15).

Ok, so my buddy argues that this is a film that his kids will enjoy and my response is “What film has your 8 year old ever hated?”

Ask your kids if they’d like to see a movie about a farting duck and see how long it takes them to get their shoes on.

Does this have a good message? Well, it says that greed is bad and sharing and saving the environment is good.

It’s like an episode of the Smurfs.

Does it have a plot?

Well, the farting duck has more character development, but in a “it took me 2 weeks to write this screenplay” kind of way I guess it does.

Is it any good?

“Quack”

2 out of 5