Sweeney Todd… a review
Ya know, at first I was going to ask what marketing genius decided that the perfect Christmas movie included murder and cannibalism, but when I saw an ad for Alvin and the Chipmunks and I have to admit that having my throat slit seemed like a pretty good alternative.
Does that mean that “Sweeny Todd” is a good movie?
Well, that’s like the stupid argument that drunks always toss at you in the bar, where you HAVE to choose between Michael Jackson or Marilyn Manson as a babysitter.
If you live in a town with only two movies playing and your choices are the bleak murder musical, or the annoying rodent musical, might I suggest masturbation?
Here’s the thing with Sweeny Todd…. Yes it’s a musical, but how musical is it?
Answer? Let’s put it this way, I’m surprised that they didn’t sing about the “key grip” during the closing credits.
They sing about everything!
I think there’s about 5 minutes of dialogue in this flick that didn’t start off with “ah one and ah two and…”
Now, it’s not that I’m against a good maiming to a catchy tune.
Who doesn’t love watching some guy get his ear torn off to “Steeler’s Wheel?!!”
The problem is that the music in “Sweeney Todd” sounds like it was written by Woody Allen tuning his clarinet at the Legion hall.
Ok, but Johnny Depp must have a really great singing voice right?
Well, to me he sounds like a sober Captain Jack Sparrow.
This is a bleak movie with boring songs.
If you’re that hard to buy for goth boy or girl and you can’t find those turn of the century hospital bed sheets that a tuberculosis patient died in, then maybe a pair of tickets to see “Sweeny Todd” might be just the thing…
…and good luck finding that black Santa hat with the spider on the end.
3 out of 5 stars
