Be Kind Rewind… a review
So a couple of days ago I was watching the trailer for the new post-apocalyptic movie called “Doomsday”.
All around us people were groaning and screaming out imaginary titles like “28 Years Later”, or “Mad Max, Beyond Originality” and it made me think about a conversation I had with some friends a while back.
My hypothesis (listen to me, you’d think I was writing an economics thesis for Harvard University), is that the only truly original film made in the last 30 years was “Being John Malcovich”.
I’m not talking about film style, or special effects (so sit down Matrix fan boys).
I’m talking about the STORY.
No matter how great a film is and no matter what kind of spin they put on it, we’ve seen the story before.
BJM, however was a truly bizarre film. Love it or hate it, you’ve never seen anything like it before.
Well, last night I found another film to add to my list.
“Be Kind Rewind” is another movie that is destined to be a cult classic.
You don’t have to suspend your disbelief for this film, you have to expel it!
I’m going to try to explain this as best I can, but it really helps to be stoned.
Danny Glover is the owner of a condemned video store that rents out VHS tapes.
Danny contends that his home is the birthplace of a famous Jazz Legend and is given a month to renovate the structure or the city will tear it down to make way for some shiny new condominiums.
Ok yes, this story is far from original so far.
Hang on for a second.
Mos Def is Danny’s only employee and I can’t figure out if Mos’ character is retarded or if that’s just his acting style.
I’m going to stick with retarded.
Anyway, Mos is left in charge and his only task is to keep Jack Black out of the store.
Jack is a conspiracy nut who accidentally magnetizes himself while trying to sabotage a power station near the video store.
When Jack starts to argue with a woman about how the VHS tapes should be arranged on the shelf (ok, a little bit derivative of High Fidelity) he erases the entire catalogue of films in the store.
Here’s where it becomes either the greatest film you’ve ever seen, or a stinky piece of dung that you have to pull off the bottom of your dog before he scoots across your new deep pile carpet.
With no inventory to rent, Mos Def realizes that the store will go broke.
The store will go broke?!! They have MAYBE 100 tapes, they charge one dollar per rental, and it looks like they MIGHT rent about 4 tapes a day.
How is Danny even PAYING Mos a salary?!!
Mia Farrow in a similarly retarded performance, is the store’s most valued customer who speaks with Danny every day.
When Mia decides to rent “Ghostbusters”, Mos and Jack have to stall her until they can replace the blank tape.
Since no one even carries VHS tapes anymore, they decide to film it themselves using duct tape, tin foil and coat hangers and even though the film is 20 minutes long, Mia seems to accept that this rendition is the genuine article.
But wait!!
Now another retarded looking customer wants to rent Rush Hour 2!!
Rush Hour 2 on VHS?!!
Ok, I might believe that Flashdance is kicking around on VHS, but Rush Hour 2?!!
Why not just ask for a Linkin Park on 8 Track?
Once again, Mos and Jack have to stall the customer until the end of the day while they do their best to act out the highlights of the film and once again no one seems to notice the eerie similarity between Jack Black and Jackie Chan.
But wait, now it seems that people like the new versions, and are willing to wait for hours in line to get a copy.
So let me get this straight. People are willing to wait for hours in a line and pay a $20 rental fee, but Jack and Mos still have to stall them while they bootleg more titles rather than just say “Ok guys, we’re going to film Scarface and it’ll be ready after lunch?”
This movie has a lot of charm, and it’s pretty funny watching them recreate a low budget scene of some popular movies, but there are so many problems with the movie that in the end, it really kills the experience.
First of all the acting is atrocious.
Jack Black is his usual annoying self who manages to slip in an air guitar routine YET AGAIN for the bazillinth time.
Jack? It’s annoying as hell now.
Mos Def can play retarded better than Tom Hanks. I just don’t know if he’s acting.
Mia Farrow? If she was Mos Def’s mother it would explain a lot.
Danny Glover plays Danny Glover. He’s not retarded. He’s just bored.
The story? Ok, it’s funny in parts, but you have to at least PRETEND that you worked on it for more than 10 minutes.
Clearly the work stopped after the concept of re-filming famous movies using stuff laying around in the backyard was thought up.
Danny has to come up with $60,000 in 6 weeks, and the solution is for Mos and Jack to spend 6 hours each day recreating a movie so that they can rent it out for twenty bucks?!!
Ok, so twenty multiplied by seven, multiplied by six.
Is that sixty THOUSAND dollars?
I was never good at math, but I’m thinking that they might be able to buy a Nintendo WII and a litre of Coke after 6 weeks.
How about a story that makes SENSE!?
Mos is an illegal immigrant and risks getting deported if he loses his job.
Mos can’t keep a job, and if he gets fired one more time his wife will leave him.
Mos sank every cent he owns into opening a low-tech video store and he risks losing his foster son if child services finds out that he can’t pay his rent or buy groceries!!
Holy crap, I could do this all day.
Don’t even get me started on the whole Jazz legend garbage that totally takes us out of the experience.
A moronic story with some funny scenes.
2 out of 5.
