Zach and Miri make a Porno… a review
October 31st, 2008 | Uncategorized |
Hmmm… what could THIS movie be about?
I wonder if it’s really a metaphor for the class struggle between migrant workers and the corporate raiders on Wall Street?
Listen, this ain’t “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly”, it’s about two roommates who decide to screw on film to pay off their debts.
Well, ok then.
Thanks for getting right to the point Kevin.
No foreplay here!!
Next time call the movie “Kevin Smith caters to seventeen year old comic book geeks” because that’s what his whole freaking career has been about.
Now, to be fair, I think Kevin is an intelligent and witty guy.
I saw the film he made when he spoke to University students and it was hilarious.
Also, I have to admit that I actually OWN a copy of his film “Dogma” so deep down I think he has a lot of potential, but then he goes back to writing scripts where a guy stuffs his fingers into his anus and then handles food.
Sigh…
There are things in this world that just don’t belong together.
Pork sandwiches and Bar Mitzvahs.
Basketball nets and midgets.
Rap music and women’s rights.
You get the idea.
To me, mixing porn and comedy is like making a martini with dry cleaning fluid and Tabasco sauce.
What’s next? A porno in a concentration camp?
How about an all musical porno?
A porno with a plot?
Listen, porno comedies are box office poison.
Has anyone seen “Orgazmo TWO?!!”
If I want to laugh while watching porn I’ll rent something with Ron Jeremy in it (and trust me… I NEVER rent something with Ron Jeremy in it).
So what’s the point you ask?
I have a theory.
I think that Kevin Smith is conducting an experiment to see just how far he can take the gross out comedy genre before it implodes.
Unless his next movie is called “Zack and Miri Abuse Farm Animals” or “Zack and Miri Enjoy One Cup” I can’t see the bar being lowered much farther.
How’s this for a “plot”?
Zack (fat slob) lives with Miri (hot chick) in a platonic relationship as mere roommates.
They’re on the verge of being evicted when Zack suggests that they should film themselves having sex and sell it to their friends.
Welcome to the masturbatory world of Kevin Smith!!
Now, I have no doubt that there are teenage boys who are convinced that women would actually go along with this idea, but these are the same losers who also send audition tapes of themselves lighting their farts on fire to “Cirque du Soleil” hoping to get a job.
But hey, maybe your roommate is a drug addicted stripper or Amy Winehouse.
Moving right along…
It’s a comedy right?
In a comedy finding wannabe porn stars is as easy as putting up flyers on a few telephone poles (heh heh… I said “poles).
Kevin spent all week writing this script dammit. Let’s not get bogged down with reality. It’s time to see some boobies!!
Yay, boobies!!
I predict that high school remedial math classes will be empty on the Friday afternoon that this comes out.
Yay boobies!!!
Screw it. I’m turning my brain off and I’m going with it.
Ok, I’m laughing. It’s odd but mildly amusing in a train wreck kind of way.
uh oh… wait.
What’s that in the distance?
Is that another train hurtling towards us on the same track?
It’s not possible.
Can a train wreck get hit by ANOTHER train?
Ok… so we’re making a porno comedy. What could you possibly do to screw with the target audience any further?
What is the one thing that is even worse than combining comedy and porn?
It’s not midgets.
It’s not amputee porn.
How about adding in a touching LOVE STORY?!!
Dude.
Seriously.
Why not just toss in a political conspiracy subplot?
This is where the movie begins to look like a Nazi Zeppelin attempting to moor itself in New Jersey.
“It burst into flames, and it’s falling, it’s crashing! Watch it! Watch it! Oh, the humanity!”
Is this a comedy, a romantic comedy, or romantic porno comedy?
The Red Cross should be handing out blankets to people as they leave the theatre it’s such a disaster.
It went from funny, to gross, to weird and now it’s trying to be touching?!!
A touching porno movie is one thing, but a TOUCHING porno movie?
It’s just wrong Kevin.
Well, if you want to see Jason Mewes’ wiener or if you were wondering what the guy from the Mac commercials sounds like saying the word “cock” then this movie is for you.
I laughed a bit, but the movie just falls apart after the first hour.
I’ll give it three out of five just because I’ll never be able to watch another Mac ad without giggling like a schoolgirl.
I love it when the fat guy gets the hot chick (and then films it)
