Kids today have it so easy, with their interweb, and their mc4 players and their free access to porn.

Why, in my day if you wanted to see a naked woman, you had to flip through a National Geographic magazine and if you wanted to bring your record collection over to your friend’s house you needed three milk cartons and a certified forklift operator.

Somewhere along the line kids got soft.

When was the last time you were at the emergency room and you saw someone with lawn dart embedded in their foot?

You know what else sucked? Cartoons!!

Back in MY day, a cartoon involved watching talking animals attack each other with anvils, high powered rifles and the occasional explosive device made by the good people at “Acme”.

I turned on a cartoon back in the eighties and there was some pink teddy bear shooting rainbows out of its stomach.

WTF?!!

Thank God we’re getting back to basics with the movie “Coraline”.

This movie has it all.

Parental neglect, diseased feral cats, and a psychopath who wants sew buttons into your eye holes.

Now THAT’s entertainment.

Coraline looks like it’s a Tim Buton Film, but it’s lacking the annoying musical numbers by Danny Elfman.

All of the horror but without the fancy boy dance numbers?

I’m in heaven.

There’s even semi-senior citizen nudity (speaking of horror).

Did I mention that the carnage all takes place in 3D?!!

I’m getting wood just writing the review.

This is the movie that The Nightmare of Christmas COULD have been.
Tim? Mr. Burton? Listen, I love your style but take a tip from the makers of Coraline.

Sometimes a guy can hold onto a straight razor and not tap dance.

Coraline is a solid four out of five.